I took my first sip of poison today

Tonight I took my first sip of poison.

It started out harmless, really. All I did was click on the first result that popped up from a quick Google search.

That’s all it took for the poison to enter my brain.

Pornography.

At first, all I could register was confusion. What in the world was I looking at?

And then my confusion morphed into horror as I understood. All I felt was revulsion and the need to put as much distance between myself and the filth as possible.

I muted the computer and lowered the laptop screen, still sitting in a state of shock.

“Did you just find porn?” my husband asked me. My reaction, combined with the awful sounds from the website, shocked him.

I couldn’t speak for a few minutes.

This was my first exposure to hard-core pornography. Now, believe me, my life has not been spared from the cruel tentacles of this addiction. Pornography has mercilessly hooked itself into several facets of my life.porn kills love

But until now, I had personally remained somewhat unscathed from the poison itself. The worst I had seen was a image on a DVD of a very photoshopped topless woman or the few pages of one of the “Twilight” books I skipped during a steamy make out scene. And while, no, I don’t think “Twilight” is pornography, I didn’t like the way either of them made me feel.

Tonight those previous feelings were child’s play.

Tonight I felt dirty. I felt betrayed. I felt defiled. And worst of all, I felt curious.

 

Suddenly, I felt a new level of compassion for my family and friends who have struggled to break free from the grasp of this demon for years. Some have been successful. Others continue to struggle. And my heart is so heavy for them.

Friends, I want to fight with you.

Pornography is a drug. And we don’t talk enough about it. If you want scientific reasoning for why you should eradicate pornography from your life instantly, visit this site. I can’t offer you that.

What I can offer you is a simple statement from a woman of faith.

I know God. I know his plan for me and for his children. It’s to live after the manner of his son, Jesus Christ.

It’s a plan from love to love — love God, love your neighbor, love yourself.

I see no love in pornography. I see no love in the lies and hidden shame that comes from it. I see no love in the way it tears families apart at the seam. I see no love in the way that it becomes a vicious addiction.

I want it made clear to my friends and my family — my husband, my daughter and our future children — I am a fierce fighter against pornography. I raise my voice with many others to say it will destroy our society. It will destroy our homes. It will destroy our families.

IF WE LET IT.

I refuse to let it annihilate everything I hold dear.

I am grateful for a husband who supports me in this as in all things. WE are fierce fighters against pornography.

For us, it started with a conversation. It was difficult and a bit awkward, but we started a dialogue before we were even engaged. Throughout our courtship, engagement and now marriage, we have had many discussions about the dangers of pornography and how we both plan to keep our home and our marriage a sacred place.

Our life is a holy place and we WILL NOT BE MOVED.

We #chooselove.

Start to conversation today.

Let’s fight together.

 

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96 thoughts on “I took my first sip of poison today

  1. Maybe you should get a copy of President’s Commission on Obscenity and Pornography? After it came out the President at the time, Richard Nixon, ordered it destroyed. He failed and it was released. Showed that there was “no evidence to date that exposure to explicit sexual materials plays a significant role in the causation of delinquent or criminal behavior among youths or adults.”

    I think you are obsessing over nothing. Your family is fine. You are fine. Any guilt is due to shaming by those who should know better and should quit trying to control you through shame.

    Let me guess here – those who keep telling you how evil it is want MONEY – right?

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Hi Emmilie:

        Rodger mentions only what has become common knowledge within all medical (AMA, APA, etc.), academic, and protective (local police, FBI, etc.) communities… and that is that porn does not cause the harm the FTND suggests.

        Rape and other crimes against women… are highest in highly religious/conservative areas (areas that fight nudity and porn). And these crimes against women are lowest in countries/areas that are considered “Liberal” (Europe and US States that are considered “blue” states).

        Teen pregnancy are highest in countries/US-States that are highly religious/conservative. Again, they are lowest in countries/US-States that are more liberal (and tolerant of nudity).

        Finally, are you aware of the University of Montreal study that was attempted on porn. UM wanted to see how porn impacts the brain. To complete this study, they needed a control group (guys that had not viewed porn). The study had to be scrapped/changed. Why? The UM couldn’t find non-porn viewing guys for their control groups. Why? Because EVERY guy views porn… at some point in time.
        http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/6709646/All-men-watch-porn-scientists-find.html
        (BTW, the Telegraph is a very conservative newspaper)

        Anywho… guys look at porn. Any guy who tells you he doesn’t… he’s a liar. Many women view porn. It hasn’t destroyed our society. And the evidence suggests that it has actually decreased crimes against women.

        The only questions any woman (who despises porn) should ask are these:
        1) Why do I object to porn? What emotion is it driving in me that makes me hurt, and
        2) How honest is my SO about his porn usage? What type of porn is he viewing? And why does he view it?

        You might be surprised at the answers you will find to these questions.

        Cheers,

        Joe

        Liked by 1 person

      2. “I respectfully disagree with your facts and statistics. I am choosing this [uninformed and inaccurate] side because of my personal feelings and claiming that it’s the correct one.”

        That’s what you’re saying. You are entitled to your own opinion; you are not entitled to make up data, facts and stats. You can be opposed to porn on an idealogical, religious, and personal level. You cannot tell people that your opinion trumps ACTUAL statistics.

        I’m sorry that you know people who have been negatively affected by pornography. But that is your single experience. You have anecdotes in your arsenal; these guys have years of scientific research, peer reviewed studies, and the support of medical associations. It alarms me that you’re trying to pass this off as the truth. This might be how you live your life; this doesn’t apply to everyone.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You keep saying you disagree with this person or that person, but you don’t say why, or back your disagreement up with logic/reason. Do you have any?

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I’m sorry, Emma. I assumed it was clear why I disagreed based on the blog I wrote. Simply stated, I believe pornography to be immoral. I respect you and your opinions. Thanks for reading.

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      5. Your church has created an illness that simply doesn’t exist. The whole rest of the world views porn every once and a while and moves on with life. If it really destroyed families and all this stuff how do you think the rest of the world would even function at all. How do you think we would even have a government, let alone advances in technology. Your church has created an illness so it could sell you the cure. It is only a problem because they have programmed you to see it as such. It’s no more a problem than eating McDonald’s is a problem or watching dumb comedies is a problem. Is it amazing for you? Probably not. But does it destroy? Does it ruin? Only if you have programmed to believe you are filthy and dirty because of it. Porn doesn’t kill love. That’s ridiculous. If it did there would be no love at all in the world. Lol. Not even the mormon church. Porn doesn’t kill love. What kills is the shame your pious religion instills in people.

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      6. I hate what porn is doing to our society. But when people get muddled in confusing porn with silly stuff like making out-no one listens! Please, woman like you do not help this cause. I am sorry, but my husband is Mormon and addicted to porn. I am not ok with this. But I do not think Twilight is porn. I think it is silly, bad writing-but porn? Saying that makes the whole argument against the REAL enemy so silly. It almost seems like you wrote this post as a gag? Pornography has ruined my husband-and this is on a completely different level of two vegetarian vampires making out in a teen novel. I

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    1. Actually porn is detrimental to society and science is backing it up. Fightthenewdrug.org has many links to current scientific articles sup porting this idea. Your information is out of date. Porn had also been linked to increased sex trafficking. Checkout end sexual exploitation.org

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      1. I’m just finishing cigarrettesnotrelatedtocancer.org I’ll be right on over as soon as I’m done with the RJ Reynolds research.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Twilight contains pornography?

    My guess is that would be news to the author

    Maybe you are confusing the regular Twilight books with the popular fanfiction that goes by the name of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

    If you actually meant that the book(s) Twighlight, by Stephanie Meyer contain pornography I don’t think many readers are going to take you seriously.

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      1. I would respectfully like to point out that your opinion is not backed by science or reason by pure biased conjecture and belief in unfounded fear shame and guilty.

        #mormonismkillslove

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      2. Fight the new drug is SUCH a joke. Those guys are making money out of prudish people. When I see those guys wearing those “Porn Kills Love” shirt, it makes me thing that they got caught and this is their punishment. Lol.

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  3. I love this! Thank you for posting- I know exactly which part in twilight your talking about, I skipped over it too (although for me, not sure I would label it porn, just inappropriate). Pornography has unfortunately made it into my life as well, but I have never been exposed to anything hard-core, and thanks to this post I’m going to be even more extra careful with my internet searches. It truly is poison-ask anyone who’s trying to stop veiwing it. It really is destroying families and society.” Let’s fight together! “

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  4. Temple recommend holder here. Twilight is pornographic? What “the stone vampire lips pressed against mine as I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks”. That’s porn? “Won’t someone please think of the children!” (I’m quoting reverend lovegood’s obnoxious wife here sarcastically). You’re the reason people think Mormons are brainwashed.

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    1. Thanks for the comment, Jake. No. I don’t think Twilight is pornographic. I used the juxtaposition in my writing to make a point. I said I didn’t like the way it made me feel. Sorry for the confusion. Thanks for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I agree with you about pornography and how important it is to follow Christ. But you would be more convincing and honest if you were willing find out about and stop supporting and excusing the equally immoral deeds, practices and teachings of the men your religion was started and maintained by.

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  6. “Tonight I felt dirty. I felt betrayed. I felt defiled. And worst of all, I felt curious.”

    You should write for The Onion, this is great stuff!

    I find it interesting how this marketplace of words we call the internet tests different ideas. How good intentions can have unintended consequences. In this particular case what intrigues me is you’re here at your little blog expressing your opinion, which I think is great, taking a stand for something you believe in, which I also think is great. But unbeknownst to you, you’re actually promoting the very thing you mean to oppose. And I make not judgement about that, just voicing my observation that it may stand as a data point for the masses. You are providing free marketing to the porn industry.

    Not just because you’re devoting internet real estate to talking about porn, but your sadly-serious satire is so over-the-top that it begs to be challenged and tested. As it happens, and I won’t name names for sake of privacy and all that, but I found my way to this blog after seeing some very molly mormon ladies discussing it. End result, at least one of these ladies has decided to test the matter for herself and intends to research porn by venturing out into the dark recesses of the interwebz to watch it for herself, as a science experiment, to see how it makes her feel.

    Will she feel dirty? Will she feel defiled? Will she feel, gasp, curious? Will the world come to a grinding halt? Will she neglect her professional or familial responsibilities? Will it destroy the intimacy in her marriage? Will it strengthen it? Will she end up homeless on the street turning tricks? What possibly could be the result? Maybe nothing at all! That’s what she wants to find out. Just wanted to let you know that your words have inspired porn viewing.

    Now just to be clear, I’m not supporting, defending, or otherwise advocating porn in any way. I think porn is bad. But I also believe in perspective. I think your reaction is absurd, profoundly out of touch with the real world, blown way way way out of proportion, indicative of someone who lives a very privileged, sheltered, pampered existence. Like someone who faints at the sight of blood. Like someone who attends a church they aren’t familiar with and get the willies. Like someone who sees a black person for the first time and just can’t stop staring. Or that person who is just petrified of mice or roaches, blow in their ear and they’ll do a little dance around the room.

    Try growing up on a farm, you’ll be exposed to acts of nature that are many orders of magnitude beyond anything these silly bow-chick-a-wow-wow artists could come up with.

    It made you curious? Well no freaking duh, Princess Obvious!, welcome to the human race. People are curious about anything they’ve never been exposed to, but especially elusive forbidden fruits that they’ve been teased with for decades. The more forbidden the more stimulating it is when exposed, even a little. This is well studied psychological phenomenon.

    From my own experience as a healthy male, what I can say is that, if I ever had any problem with porn, it instantaneously went away the moment I stopped caring about it. My consumption of porn was the highest when I was in a state of never-ending guilt, trying to repent, convinced that I might be addicted, etc. I don’t know how to explain it, but my mind was somehow stimulated by this state of conflict. Then at some point I decided this porn hysteria was stupid, there was nothing wrong with me or it. Guilt went away. Porn usage ended almost immediately. Based on the conventional mormony wisdom though I should have used more and more, trading up for more intense stuff until eventually turning into Ted Bundy. Oddly, none of that happened.

    A book you should read is The Wonder of Boys. Anti-porn crusades like yours are destroying men. And no, the book does not promote porn in any way, just the opposite, but it does demystify very absurd and unhealthy attitudes about things like masturbation.

    As a little boy, being curious as little kids are, I ended up becoming exposed to porn because it was the only way I could see a naked body. My very stereotypical mormon parents took the proscribed paranoid approach that the church teaches. When I was like 8 or 9 I conceived a way to remove the door handle from the bathroom door while someone was inside so that I could peek in. Totally admit it, I was a peeping tom on my mom. Why? Just natural curiosity, wanted to see. My parents could have let me see some non-pornographic naked pictures and my curiosity would have gone away. But they didn’t. And that same kind of attitude proceeded into adolescence, which only made me even more curious. Sex was a taboo topic. Lots of paranoid talk about porn though. I wasn’t exposed to healthy discussions about sex or human sexuality, instead it was a taboo guilt-ridden topic and that inevitably led me towards… you got it, porn. Instead of teaching me how to understand and control my sexual drive in a healthy way, it was exactly the opposite.

    I never look at the stuff now, don’t care, zero interest. I have a very healthy relationship with my wife, it’s my pleasure to please my queen.

    But at the same time I’m not prudish about the R rated movie from time to time, a boobie flash, the sex humor in a sitcom, coming across some image on the internet, or whatever. I don’t need to lie down in a state of paralysis to regain control from some overwhelming flood of dirty emotions. It’s called maturity, self-discipline, etc.

    Seeing some naked picture doesn’t cause me to go limp and make me disinterested in my wife. That doesn’t happen. It also doesn’t make me into some mean sex crazed maniac and want to smack her around and treat her like a slave. Doesn’t happen. I haven’t talked my wife into a boob job like seemingly 70% of the men in UT, on the contrary I’ve talked her out of it more than once, or talked her into dying her hair or putting on fake eyelashes like 95% of the men in UT. Good grief, every time my wife goes to a church activity she seems to come back wanting to change her appearance in some way.

    Why does UT lead the country in anti-porn rhetoric, porn usage, plastic surgery, and anti-depressants all at the same time? If porn is a drug, a notion which science doesn’t support at all btw, but for sake of argument if it is, YOU are the one who’s got the addiction in my opinion. Like Fox News and its relationship with Donald Trump, the LDS church gives pornographers more free advertising than they would be financially capable of paying for if it was up for sale.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Agree. I caught my husband looking at porn 3 times. The last time I threatened that this was the last time and if there was ever another I was gone..with the kids. I honest to God asked him if he had molested the children! I refused to sleep with him for 2 weeks and I did not trust him for years! At the time I said ‘porn’ was ruining my marriage. Fast forward a decade. I lost my testimony because I could no longer stomach the anti-gay rhetoric and finally faced the realization that church sanctioned misogyny had seriously screwed with my life. I thought back to the those awful days thinking my marriage was in the toilet because of porn. I felt ridiculous because my husband had never been anything but loving and good to me and the kids. I had no basis for accusing him of ‘spiritual’ adultery and possible child molestation besides my hysterical fear of porn. I tried looking at porn myself (because I no longer thought that curiosity about sex is bad). I found that watching people have sex makes you want to have sex just like watching someone eat chocolate cake makes you want to eat chocolate cake. It doesn’t make you want to have sex with the person in the video, it just makes you horny and so you go looking for your husband and have a tumble. It is mental Viagra and it’s pretty fun. We’ve watched it together and that’s fun, too. There is still a lot of misogynistic porn and THAT needs to be addressed. But it is very easy to find non-misogynistic porn if that’s what you want to watch. Ten years ago I would have been one of those people that claim porn ruins marriages and healthy sexual relationships and pointed to my own personal experience as proof. Now I understand that it was not porn that almost ruined my marriage, it was the hysterical fear of it that I was taught to have that almost wrecked my marriage.

      I am writing this because this blog post is making the internet rounds (I found it on an ex-mormon site where people were chuckling about it) and I’m hoping I can help some poor Mormon wife to not throw her husband under the bus when she catches him watching porn but to instead toss her clothes off and have fun being in love.

      Also, I want to let you know I am very impressed with the gracious way you respond to your opposing comments.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Hey Emmilie, I saw this posted in a random FB group and I was like, “Hey, I know her!” I am always so impressed (though never surprised) by your writing skills. After reading this article I thought I’d share some of my thoughts on the subject.

    During my time in the church, I felt like porn was perpetually chasing me, lurking in every corner, waiting for a single misstep so it could devour me. However, I never gave in. But the weight of fear never left me.

    After I left the church, in a wave of nihilistic to-hell-with-it-ness, I decided to investigate. Admittedly, I found it very stimulating and began to view it with some regularity. I preferred to stay with the more “tame” stuff, since my sheltered sensibilities weren’t prepared for anything more shocking.

    Eventually, I realized it was not something I needed or even wanted. It wasn’t *inherently* evil; it just wasn’t for me (I emphasize “inherently,” because I think if consenting adults want to film themselves having sex, then it’s totally fine. However, within the industry there is so much maltreatment of women that I do find VERY offensive and reason alone to not support).

    So I decided to stop. To my surprise, it was not difficult at all. Because I did not fear it, it had no power over me. Today, if I see a naked body in a movie or something, I can just say, “Look a naked person,” and immediately move on with my life.

    The lesson I learned is what the researchers are actually saying about pornography and compulsive behavior — It’s not about the porn itself, it’s about HOW you regard it. Depression, compulsive behavior, and torn-apart families don’t correlate with porn; they correlate with extremely negative views on porn. Such views create fearful, repressive mindsets that actually compound problems associated with compulsive behavior by trapping people in shame cycles.

    I think we will do far more to mitigate the damage associated with porn usage by being more open and positive about sexuality, tasteful nudity, and relationships.

    Porn only has as much power as we give it. Guilt and shame enslave.

    Thanks for opening a dialogue on this. I hope all is well with you and your family!

    Tanner Gilliland

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hello, Name is Isaily De La Rosa ,

    I was addicted to Porn and Masturbation. I can say That Starring at a screen 24/7 Is detrimental to your soul . I turned to porn and Masturbation at relatively young age of a teenager. At first i was told by my parents that it was ok . But hurt and loneliness took over , it became an addiction that carried over the years sinking myself into an abyss of darkness and lust. And no it’s funny to look at Daughters of God as just a piece of meat. No it’s not okay to watch porn whether your single or not . It destroys Love, trust , Family Relationships. And the Divine trust God Has placed in you . And the Long Run Porn will only destroy you a do you no good . There Plenty of Princesses who look at us Brethren and think of us as their Charming Prince . I am determine to Prove faithful and Love. Woman with all my heart than a website or a computer.

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  9. If make out scenes are pornography, are all kissing scenes also porn? Genuinely curious where you draw the line on that one.

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  10. I don’t think your problem is porn addiction, I think you, and Mormons in general, are obsessed with the idea of pornography and homosexuality and make it a constant awareness. Also you need to examine the definition of addiction, and the definition of pornography.

    The obsession and controls the Mormon leaders have over sex and sexuality of followers (including children) is unhealthy and very damaging to mental and sexual development and health. Without the fixation on the topics, they wouldn’t exist in your life. Also, porn doesn’t just pop up on a computer unless there are search cookies in the cashe! I have a Windows lap top and an Apple iPad and in all my years of owning computers I have never had porn randomly pop up accidentally. Maybe some counselling on healthy sexual development is in order.

    Standing by what you say does not make you correct. The more you obsess about it the more you invite it into your life. Stop viewing normal sex and sexuality as porn, and enjoy what works for you. You are the problem when you are feeding the porn obsession monster. When you view bare shoulders as immodest, it’s not a far stretch to see brests or a penis as porn. Um, it’s the human body!

    Here is my solution to the Mormon porn problem…
    Perhaps having a healthy sexual development from birth, on through childhood, adolescence, and adulthood would be a starting point! Utah has the highest Internet porn traffic for a reason… Sexual oppression. When you try to suppress something that is natural, it doesn’t just go away! So don’t listen to Mormon sex rules, rather develop a normal healthy attitude and outlook on sex and sexuality.
    1. Your body is your own and no one has the right to touch it.
    2. You alone DO have the right to touch your own body and not have guilt or shame because it feels good. It does feel good, and I promise God isn’t watching you.
    3. Masturbation does NOT cause pornography addiction or homosexuality! Masturbation is normal and healthy. Masturbation is NOT self-abuse!!!
    4. No bishop, mission president, or any religious figure has the right to question, accuse, judge, or shame you for touching your own body! You are not required to confess or answer his inappropriate questions. You are not “impure” if you love what your body can do (sexually or otherwise) and how it feels. You were naturally born that way and you are free to enjoy that responsibly and without interference.
    5. Sexual attraction to another human being is completely normal and healthy, and instead of being shamed into oppressing those feelings you need to learn about the age of consent, and the joy and fun of healthy sexual and partner relationships outside of procreation.
    6. If you choose to have consensual sex, use health precautions and pregnancy prevention methods.
    7. Don’t rape anyone.
    8. DON’T MOLEST CHILDREN! (A bigger problem than pornography in the so called church.)
    9. If you belong to a religion that begins keeping your sex and sexuality in check from childhood, all the way through adolescence, to what underpants you are allowed to wear, and how when and for what purpose you have adult sex with your person, you are probably in a cult!
    10. If you are unsure about any of this, please see a therapist outside of the controls of your religion.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Why do you disagree? If God would disagree, why does he disagree?

        And the bigger question is this; why is porn bad? If it makes you sick and uncomfortable, can you look deep within yourself to answer not only why it does, but should it at all?

        I am not implying that, “yay! Porn is good for you!” Rather I want people to realize that there is nothing intrinsically good or bad with porn. but that it can be for example bad if it becomes overused.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. What exactly do you disagree with? Also, you can’t disagree with science, definitions, and the psychological and social methods that create sexually healthy humans. It has been long studied and practiced and is not opinion. Beliefs are opinion, beliefs lack evidence.

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    1. 1. Partially agree. No one else should let have the right to touch you without your consent. Your body is yours, but it is a gift created by God and your parents and given to you by God. Treat it nicely.

      2. God looks on the heart. Whether physically watching or not, he knows. What then is in your heart as you masturbate? It is your right to do so, and yes, it feels pleasurable. But is it right?

      3. Mostly agreed. It doesn’t cause addiction or homosexuality, nor is it going I lead t an unhealthy obsession with sex. Science says it’s healthy even. That still doesn’t make it right.

      4. Never in the many years I have dealt with an unhealthy obsession with sex and pornography has my bishop, mission president, or anyone church leader ever judged me or shamed me. On the contrary, I feel their love for me every time I visit, even when I have been unsuccessful at stopping. Now that doesn’t mean judgment doesn’t happen, bishops are humans prone to error and pride too. But I hope that most church leaders are following the Saviors guidance and correcting and helping with love for all who meet with them. And for all the ones I’ve met with, that love is what I have always noted.

      5. Agreed that sexual attraction is good. Without it, no one would ever have gotten together and families would never exist. Also, sexual inter course is a wonderful way to grow closer to your spouse. Yet to ignore procreation is wrong, as it is inseparable from the act of sex. Further, procreation is sacred, and should be treated as such. To ignore it and lose sight of it is to miss the point of God’s plan. As to our desire dr marriage before sex, marriage is the founding covenant of the family and is a firm foundation on which to build a family. As sexual intercourse and procreation are the principal method to bring life to the earth, marriage too is sacred. To perform the sacred rites of sex outside of the foundation of marriage is to profane the purpose of God and to put the family of the Lord at risk. These are based upon belief and not science, so you can argue otherwise, but my hope here is more to explain and not to argue.

      6. I actually wholly agree here. While I support chastity, I also acknowledge people may choose for themselves. If they decide to go ahead with sex before marriage, then they should use protection and keep in mind health precautions. STIs are not good, and I would rather people who not want children not end up with a pregnancy they do not want and commiting another act I do not support either. I am not against contraception either, I just believe they wouldn’t be necessary if people chose chastity.

      7. Completely agreed.

      8. I have no statistics, so I do not know how bad this problem is, but I know it happens and I do weep for those who have faced it. I agree here as well.

      9. People may choose as they wish whether to participate or not. Many have chosen the not, and that is concedes to them. No religion should be forced on others, and any guilty of that in the church should repent. Loving invitations and preaching are fine, but we do not need to start the crusades again.

      10. I have a therapist who does help me with a lot of things. However, he graciously has not tried to kill my faith in God, but has done more to get me to see my own value. This too has helped me see my own value to God, even in my sorrow. Not saying therapy is bad, and someone from a different religion would certainly be good to help get another perspective. I do not believe however that my religion is the problem.

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      1. Andy, you lost me at “God!” It is fine if you like imaginary characters, but God, Santa, Easter bunny, and tooth fairy have nothing to do with biology or healthy sexual and mental development. It’s okay if you need a crutch, but I do not. I was actually asking the writer what she does not agree with and was looking for a reference to information not fantasy.

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  11. As a stake YM’s Pres. my husband presented a workshop at a youth conference on the effects of porn. He began by asking the youth and adult leaders to ask themselves if they’ve seen porn. Next he asked them if they’d ever looked at porn. Then he explained the difference. It’s one thing to have “seen” porn, it’s another thing to “look at” porn. Most of us have “seen” pornography in some form; in this world, it’s bound to happen, you know, it happened to you. However, if we start to “seek” porn, then we are making a choice. To look for Porn is a choice that quickly turns into desire then escalates into addiction. You are right in that we have to guard ourselves against that natural, intensely strong curiosity – we all know what happened to the cat. If we fill our lives with good, keep our hands firmly gripped on the Iron Rod and avoid the very appearance of evil, we are on the right track. But we can NEVER let our guard down, we have to be alert and aware that the enemy is everywhere … only one mouse click away. It is a game of cat and mouse, and the serpent eats both! Stay strong! Be True Be True and Stand for the Right – Childrens’ Song Book P. 159

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    1. I’m sorry, I respect your views, but disagree. One thing that we should agree on is that your “keep our hands gripped on the Iron Rod” comment is awesome. If you can step back and say “ok, that is pretty funny,” then there may be hope for you. Otherwise I’m afraid you are part of the oppressive Utah problem. I am LDS, but Wow we need to lighten up, drink a Diet Coke, and stop being so freakishly up tight.

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      1. Hey KK5551 – I TOTALLY agree, Lighten up – Eat, Drink and Be Merry for tomorrow we die and ah, if God beats us with a few stripes, it’ll all be good and sooner or later we can all sit down together in heaven, put our feet up, watch some 50 shades and drink a diet coke together! Hell! Who drinks diet coke anyhow? We should stop being so “freakishly uptight” and have a real drink, oh and while we’re at it, I want me some “Minnie’s Chocolate Pie” too! Yum!! Yum!!

        FYI – I’m NOT from Utah and just because I choose (with my God-given agency) to keep my covenants does not mean that I’m oppressed.
        It’s OK, I’ll forgive your nearsightedness, an honest mistake, after all, you Americans seem to think that you are the only people in the Universe. One more thing … I really just don’t understand why Utah haters choose to stay in Utah … there’s a WHOLE world out there! It’s easy – just google “world map” and then MOVE.

        Like

    2. >>To look for Porn is a choice that quickly turns into desire then escalates into addiction

      May I enquire which scientific study you cite for this assertion?

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I loved this post and agree with you. However, I don’t know who is in charge of the ads on your site. At the bottom of the post is an ad for yandy.com featuring a woman wearing some kind of lingerie with bare chest (her long hair is partially “covering” her). It’s incongruous with your message, though I have no doubt that it’s whatever service you use to help pay for your sight and not you. Just giving you a heads up.

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  13. Hello Emmilie,

    I am able to relate to your feelings in relation to your initial emotional response to pornography, as my reaction to seeing it for the first time in the late 1980s was similar. It made me feel strange and it showed me an aspect of humanity that I’d really have preferred never to have seen. Since that time, I simply think that pornography is a huge waste of time and resources, and frankly I can’t be bothered with it.

    Truthfully, I think ALL religious organizations are focusing far too much on pornography. It is one thing to be aware of pornography, and another entirely to discuss it – repeatedly – in talks and publications. Those who have never viewed pornography, as a result, are going to be inclined to view it to figure out why so many of their religious leaders think it’s such a big deal. Suddenly, you have an entire segment of people who had no prior interest in pornography engrossed in viewing it. I’m sure they begin out of simple curiosity, but no doubt some get hooked.

    There must be some more effective way of sharing the dangers of pornography without pressing the curiosity button. Instead of referring to it as an “epidemic”, or referring to it at all, perhaps shut down public curiosity by providing better suggestions for use of time and resources, other real-time outlets such as new educational opportunities to learn a new skill, sports, special interest clubs, and positive social activities that promote a positive sense of well-being and purpose for both young people and adults.

    “Just say no” did not have the desired effect on drug usage; instead of saying no to drugs, more people were inclined to say yes, “maybe just this one time”, to figure out what the fuss was all about. It didn’t work for drugs, and it won’t work for pornography because humans are curious beings. Unlike wondering, for example, what murder is all about, we see the result for the murderer and victims alike on a daily basis. Pornography viewing can be done in private, with no controls and no one knowing how it is affecting the viewer. This in itself creates a safe environment to say yes to it, “just this once,” or until the credit card bills for pornography sites start arriving in the mail.

    People of all ages need to hear messages that give them hope and offer positive outcomes. I have to question the real purpose of any organization that puts such strong focus on what is “bad” without offering viable options to engage in what is “good”. This is just my opinion, and respect you for yours.

    For the sake of full disclosure, I am currently a non-active member of the LDS.

    Sincerely,
    Lynn

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Interesting that you fail to put my reply about the President’s Commission on Obscenity and Pornography.

    Somehow I see the typical Mormon mindset that “if you have Faith, facts don’t matter.

    Why not quit censoring replies you don’t like?

    Like

  15. While I know you come to this view out of a sense of trying to do what’s right, for which I can’t fault you, your post speaks to me more of Mormon sexual neurosis. The Mormon view of pornography as addictive and aberrant sexuality is not supported by most sex therapists or psychologists. It is not supported by professional organizations such as the American Psychological Association. Nor is it validated by broad experience. Yes, there are any number of horror stories, but I strongly suspect that most of them have their origin in the neurosis that begets this paranoia in the first place. Beginning in early adolescence, the Church assaults individual integrity at its core, our nascent sexual identity. The result is catastrophic and long-lasting sexual dysfunction that plagues people even after they leave the Church. The Church’s attitude toward masturbation and pornography is as twisted as that toward the LGBT community, and is similarly based in Mormon and evangelical misinformation. I don’t expect to convince you of anything I’m saying, but it’s important that you and your readers at least hear how your views are received outside the Mormon bubble.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Me and my wife are enjoying our 27th year of marriage of four kids, most of it on the happy side, all of it on the very satisfying side of the sex scale. One of our tools in the bedroom is pornography. The ipad in the bedroom has been wonderful. We don’t use it all the time just like we don’t use oral sex, every sexual position in our bedroom all the time. But it is a tool to our sexual expression. Just like lube, toys and dirty talk, it adds to our expression. So please do what you do in your bedroom, but to say port kills love in my bedroom, our bedroom is in my opinion naive at best, brainwashed orthodoxy from someone who in our estimation more obsessed with all things sex than they should be. Yes, those outside of Mormonism are laughing with perplexed amusement. I come from within Mormonism, and I’m kinda of there too. It goes alongside pornshoulders and the whole whacked out modesty movement. The next thing will be robes, habits, and abstinence required for future callings.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I was directed to this by a friend who knows part of my history.

    My back ground is I was married to a Porn/sex addict (medically diagnosed) . He would spend hours looking at porn, spent over 100 dollars a month on it, he had numerous affairs, was sexually, physically and emotional abusive. controlling, etc. Exactly what we are wrongly told happens when someone watches porn.

    I left him and then realized it wasn’t the porn that was doing that it was him. He was a narcissistic sociopath, and he would have been abusive with or with out porn.

    I am now remarried to an amazing man, he is a great father, amazing provider, treats me like a queen, is respectful to everyone we meet overall an amazing person.

    He also watches porn on occasion, it has 0 impact on who he is, how he treats people and more important our marriage. I know he is not replacing me with porn (unlike my ex) he just needs visual help to satisfy a natural urge/need

    I have also been known to look at porn on occasion when I need a visual stimulation for the same purpose of satisfying a natural urge/need

    You really need to read the medical articles and research studies that have been posted, while I am not yay porn it’s amazing, I am ok with it, as long as it doesn’t become a problem in the marriage (abuse, money spent, neglect, etc.) and that is very very rare.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Hi, I enjoyed reading your post. However, as I mention to anyone arguing for or against pornography, and as other comments have pointed out, you really must define pornography in this post. It simply is required if you are going to make statements about pornography being damaging.

    Without a definition, you run the risk of damaging individuals who do not view pornography (according to your individual definition) but may mistakenly think they do after reading your post.

    Will you please add a definition of pornography to your post?

    Thank you so much!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well Blake that is easy, porn is having a physical body that arouses someone else. Before any Mormons try to “respectfully disagree” this is according to a leading Mormon Apostle, women can become pornography to men for just being women. (Hat tip Dallin Oaks)

      So having a body is porn.

      We are all doomed! Hence religion is born and explains alot about an angel with a flaming sword.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks, Lisa. It is most certainly a ridiculous standard. I am really interested in the author’s definition of pornography, even if that is simply “whatever the Church says.” I think it is vitally important that someone define such terms when writing an article such as this one.

        Emmalieb, I believe, and the rules of logic tend to agree, that it is very important to define your terms, especially when providing an argument that could have a real effect on the readers, whether positive or negative.

        How would you define pornography as described in your article?

        Like

  19. It is almost impossible for Google to have given your search porn results without specifically searching for porn.

    What most likely happened is that your search contained key words that your husband has previously used to look for porn…..not that there is anything wrong with that.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I ask this with all sincerity, however I’ve never accidentally stumbled across porn looking for recipes, news, art, movie schedules nor funny cats. Even typing in “erotic underwear” gets you to Victoria’s Secret, or Fredrick’s of Hollywood. How’d you accidentally get to hard core porn?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ten years ago stumbling across porn randomly happened, today with Google safe search enabled it is unlikely to say the least. I turned safe search on and tried to deliberately find porn. I didn’t find anything. It certainly isn’t impossible just very rare.

        Google also has an adaptive search engine so it learns what you typically search for and tries to give you results that will interest you more. It isn’t perfect of course.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I’m sitting next to my husband who works at Google, so take that for what it’s worth. Mark is right, Google has an adaptive search engine so it learns what you typically search for and tries to give you results that will interest you more.

        Sweetheart, you or your husband have been looking at porn. Or you have a virus on your computer, likely from a shady porn site. And that is my Google husband’s expert opinion.

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      4. This is how I discovered my husband’s porn addiction. Ryan is correct-there is no way to come across this unless someone was looking at it. Bring your computer in to a tech to look at the history. Your husband may think he deleted it-but there are ways to see what he was looking at. I am sorry if this is happening to you.

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      5. Please don’t follow Marie’s advice. If her supposition is true or false, starting a witch hunt directed at your marriage is a bad idea.

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  20. Pornographic: Adjective. Constituting or resembling pornography; obscene.

    If you think two people having sex is obscene, then a little bit of a certain history would shake you to your very core. Like how a certain someone threatened women that he’d be killed by an angel if they didn’t marry him. Or how he married 11 women that were already married.

    http://cesletter.com/Letter-to-a-CES-Director.pdf

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Great article, thanks for your passion against Pornography. BTW one of the adds at the bottom of the article for Vanity Fair had a rather scandalous woman who at first seemed topless. Just thought you should know since the article was anti porn the woman wasn’t super modest.

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  22. I find it ironic that so many people are trying to warn you about the Vanity Fair ad not realizing it is a post you wrote about Caitlyn Jenner. (which awesome thank you for disagreeing with your church about how trans people should be identified)

    I am however confused that you are so open when it comes to accepting her, but so close minded on this whole porn thing and why it is actually a negative thing.

    I personally dislike porn because of how the industry is intertwined with exploitation. I don’t have an issue with porn itself though. If my neighbors want to host on orgy, film it, and sell it I wish them the best. I find the anti-porn movement confusing because they aren’t tackling that exploitation issue and instead have this weird backwards view of shaming sexuality and who it is actually bad for while at the same exploiting women through so called modesty and double standards on chastity. That shame is what causes the break down of families, like anything that people can not be healthy about.

    I know you disagree with people, I disagree with about everything your church stands for. But unlike you, I have done real research about things I am passionate about or detest. I encourage you to really look at what others are saying about pornography and why it is really harmful, instead of the sexual shame you are addressing, as well as really looking into your church’s historical foundations and doctrines we well as anti-woman/anti-gay/racist policies that are destroying families because of their bigotry.

    And before you write me off, I was as Mormon as they come, until I stopped letting the Church answer all questions with “the church is true” or only asking questions with that answer.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Lisa, for your excellent comment. Very well said. I agree with you and the others who have commented about sexual shaming and the emotional damage it can cause. And I completely agree with your view about people who condemn porn because they fear sexual exploration rather than fight against sexual exploitation. Spot on.

      As a teen boy growing up Mormon, I wanted to believe in the church with all of my heart. But the sexual shaming I received there – in the form of lessons on “chastity”, morality, modesty, sexual purity, “Little Factories,” “porn is pure evil,” etc. – turned this otherwise healthy, happy human being into a neurotic, insecure, frightened mess. I became so consumed with this imaginary battle inside of me – one that pitted God and his angels against the devil and his demons – that every time I saw a pretty girl in real life or on TV or magazine or wherever, anytime I felt even the slightest stir inside of me, I became consumed with guilt from believing I literally just caused the devil to win. And God was watching it all!

      And for sure my leaders tried assuring me there was nothing wrong with me, because, after all, sexual “temptation” came from the “Adversary” right? – so blame him not yourself! Well, guess what, that made things WORSE, because now at 14 years old, instead of focusing on building up the courage to ask a girl to dance at a church dance, I was focusing on fighting some sort of evil boogieman who really, really seemed to have it out for me everywhere I went. This battle completely consumed me. It wrecked me emotionally and drained my will to participate in many of the normal growth experiences of childhood. And shifting the blame to the devil created FEAR in me. And fear of this kind does not protect young people, it HURTS them.

      Emmilie – I don’t doubt you are sincere in your beliefs. My church leaders certainly were too. But as sincere as you may be, your attitude is entirely uninformed and completely irresponsible. You seem more concerned with championing your own personal cause for the purpose of proving your own worth than you are with the finding the empathy that will enable you to understand human beings on an individual level. And I can absolutely promise you, that if you continue to ignorantly and blatantly shame human sexuality like this, your children, or your Sunday school or seminary students, will suffer unnecessarily like I did.

      Boobies don’t hurt people, Emmilie. It’s the imaginary battles you create in the hearts of young people that cause pain and suffering in the real world.

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  23. I think the saying Porn Kills Love is true. When I found out my husband was viewing porn it hurt. It made me feel very self-conscious and my self esteem was shattered. I felt like he was constantly comparing me and my body to those he was viewing. I didn’t feel good enough for him anymore and felt like he didn’t love me anymore. Our marriage and sex life was great before he started viewing it. I felt like he had me to look at any time he wanted and I wasn’t good enough for him. That’s how it kills love or at least poisons it. It can hurt your partner. It lead me to not be as revealing with my body as I once was because of the feeling of being compared to what was on the screen, not just the boobs, but my face wasn’t pretty enough or my hair wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t tan enough…..
    It put this wedge in our relationship, cottorizing our love putting a wedge in our relationship..that’s how it kills. I also feel like the people in porn don’t value their bodies or respect them. They are gifts and should be valued as such. That’s why we have significant others to share them with, and that’s all we should share them with…not the world. If your husband/wife feels they needs to be aroused they should be able to come to one another and express their feeling and have their needs met by their partner, not a screen.

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    1. Lovely young lady, porn didn’t kill love, your insecurities about yourself did.

      Many people use porn to enhance their relationships. Love your body as it is–trust me when I say, unless your husband is a neurotic mess and prone to psychosexual shame, he would much rather be with a warm beautiful woman like you than to watch one on a screen. Love your body, embrace your curves, or that little Pooch on your belly, or whatever you feel self conscious about!

      If there really is a Satan, he looks like SHAME!

      It isn’t true that people in porn don’t value their bodies. It’s just the opposite. They have a great love for their bodies, and many people (particularly women) in porn find it empowering. I realize that goes against conventional wisdom but it’s true.

      Enjoy your beautiful body!!

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Just saying but the Google kind of tailors the first couple of websites and banner ads according to past searches, done on that computer or with that Google account.

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  25. Hope you know how much it means to some of us that you’re expressing your feelings online. I’ve read most of the comments and a lot of people are attacking you about religion, but this doesn’t change who you are or what you feel. You are just like all of us, with feelings that matter and hopes to do what’s best for your family, and a lot of us respect that (unlike a lot of the commentators here) and are glad you speak out for all of those who feel the same way!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Porn doesn’t kill love. Mormonism kills love. By turning a normal healthy activity between consenting adults into a dirty thing for we we feel ashamed and guilty. If you think porn is poison then your mind is poisoned by your religion. Leave behind the shame the fear and the guilt and accept your sexuality as an innate part of being a human being.

    The fear and bigotry that members of the Mormon church teach to the world and incidious methods they use to spread their hate and fear to force us all to follow them is so blissfully and keenly unaware of how similar it is to Satans plan.

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  27. I have a feeling your husband is looking at porn and you inadvertantly caught him by finding yourself on a porn page. This cannot happen unless someone is viewing porn on your computer. He is probably freaking out right now, seeing this blog of yours-knowing someone like me is going to clue you in that he is responsible for this.

    So, I am going to give you some ideas to check: If you think someone is viewing porn on your computer, you may want to learn how to check the history on a computer for porn. When you visit a website, your computer automatically saves a copy to make it easier to load the site if you visit it again. If someone uses your computer to view porn, you can check the history and temporary Internet files, or cache, to see what sites they visited.

    To check history on computer for porn, you will need:

    Computer with Windows 7 or Vista
    Web browser

    Open a new web browser window. Popular web browser programs include Mozilla Firefox, Internet Explorer and Google Chrome. If you have more than one browser installed on your computer, you should check the history for porn on each one individually.

    Press “Ctrl” + “H” to open the history. This will work in most browsers. If it does not, you can look for an Internet history option under the “View” or “Tools” menus.

    Read through the Internet history. Look for site titles that look like the names of porn sites. You can also search keywords that might indicate porn in the computer history, such as “XXX,” “porn” or “porno.” If you can’t find anything, move on to checking the temporary Internet files.
    Click the “Start” button. Open the “Control Panel” and click “Appearance and Personalization,” then click “Folder Options.” Select the “View” tab, check the “Show hidden files and folders” box, and click “OK.”

    Open a Windows Explorer window by pressing the Windows key and “E.” Click the address bar and type in “C:\Users\Owner\AppData\Local\Microsoft\Windows\Temporary Internet Files\” and click “Go” to open the temporary Internet files folder, which contains copies of viewed web pages.
    Search through the folder to check the history on the computer for porn websites.

    Listen, at this point he may be computer savvy and erased everything. I am not very good at it-but I know it’s easy to erase the history on the computer to hide porn. If the history and cache are empty, that may be a clue that someone erased them recently in an attempt to hide porn. Bring it to Best Buy and ask them to look at history of hard drive.

    Good luck.

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  28. Emmillie B., I appreciate what you have said. Thank you for standing up for what you believe. It’s interesting to me to see how much flak you’re taking for simply stating your beliefs. It’s also interesting to see how people try to convince others that you’re wrong when it’s an opinion, your thoughts and feelings, not necessarily fact. To have others disagreeing with you is fine, but to say that you’re wrong is like saying that they know what you believe better than you do… Which doesn’t make any sense to me. Thanks again for standing up for your beliefs.

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  29. I never comment on these things, but feel strongly enough about it that I feel the need to. I admire you for standing up for what you believe. For those who are criticizing the Mormon church for their fight against pornography, they need to realize that many other religions are also fighting it. There are probably people out there who can view it and walk away. But I always think of what my Dad said about my uncle who died from alcoholism. He said, “Your Uncle never dreamed when he took his first drink as a teenager that he’d become an alcoholic and fight the battle the rest of his life, that he’d die an alcoholic.” So you never know if you’ll be the one to walk away from it, or live with the addiction. Now I know that not everyone who views pornography will become a serial killer, so don’t attack me for what I’m going to say here, but two famous ones, Ted Bundy and Arthur Bishop, who raped and killed many women and children, both stated that the pornography had a lot to do with what they did. It went from mild porn, to hard core, to not being able to get enough without acting upon it. I’m sorry, but I lived in a day and age when children were safe to ride their bikes and play at parks unattended, and now you don’t dare let them out of your sight. The sex trafficking and crimes against children alone should give us cause to reassess what’s going on and how to stop it. If you can view it and walk away, I guess good for you, but how do you know.

    Hang in there with your beliefs, there are others who feel the same way as you do. And for those who feel the need to criticize me, don’t mistake my silence for agreement.

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    1. I’m sorry Julie, I just can’t buy into your pessimism, your skewed view of the world brought on by the fear instilled upon you by your religion. Your religion teaches you almost weekly how terrible the world is, how bad your fellow brothers and sisters behave in our broken society. I know, I used to teach SS, Elder’s Quorum, and well, just about everything. It got to where I refused to teach anything about the second coming, sign of the times, and other such nonsense that does nothing but take a pessimistic and unrealistic view of the world, of societies, and of other fellow brothers and sisters. The truth is, that it is still safe for your kids to ride bikes and play in parks unattended, it is safe to walk at night, it is safe to research the internet for answers, and it is safe for any adult to view pornography in his/her their own privacy. In fact if you go by (gulp) the evidence, society is even safer these days than just 15-20 years ago. The only thing that has changed is your heavily biased perspective of the world, and your bias has led you to become more fearful, anxious, pessimistic, cynical. You’d think living in a peaceful democracy in one of the most prosperous societies that has ever existed with our technology and medicine, living within the fullness of the restoration with, according to you, all of the saving keys and ordinances that have ever been assembled on this earth, you’d exude more effulgence, more optimism, more happiness. Is that what we get from the faithful? No. What we get is fear, anxiety, paranoia, orthodoxy, narrowly interpreting most events into conspiring actors that have it out for the faithful. The religious accuse and identify any behavior that seemingly goes against their narrow views as evil that will at anytime leap like fleas into their sterile world and must be dealt with. This evil defined behind closed doors by people who profess to have never masturbated. Little busy bodies again seeking through our secular institutions to burden all of us with their skewed morality. Then sit Sunday meetings and profess to seek Jesus and the Good News, where the words “be still and know that I am God” are completely dropped at the first smell of inserting self defined morality.

      There are true failures that we as human beings perpetrate towards each other, and to ourselves. The topic today is not one of them, nor is modest dress, nor is the world a terrible place to live, in fact I find it an amazing, beautiful place to exist. Maybe instead of the pessimism you should lace up the shoes and go for a run. It’ll help you keep your eye on the ball.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wow, having never met me, you can presume all those things about me from one little paragraph I wrote? Sorry, wrong assessment of a strong, independent, capable woman who also finds the world an amazing, beautiful place, and enjoys life to the fullest…….without porn. You’d know that if you’d ever laced up your shoes and gone running with me, and had more than a paragraph to help you decide who I am. Good luck in your quest for happiness.

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    2. Julie, I get it all of those things are horrible, but pornography didn’t cause any of it, your suggestion that is does is harmful and exploitive.
      The woman though gavest me has turned into the porn I lookethed upon and you are letting it happen. You know as well as I do and those men know it too, only they are responsible for their actions. Blaming porn is how people feel better about themselves when they choose to do something horrible.

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    3. Julie I’m not attacking you for what you said about Ted Bundy and Arthur Bishop, but might I suggest a little research? If you’d rather not I’ll give you the cliffs notes version.
      I assume you have seen that video of Ted Bundy shortly before he was executed where he talks about growing up in a nice Christian home and how getting involved with pornography was the beginning of it all for him.
      As you know, Ted Bundy was a sociopath, and most of what he says in this video is a lie. He grew up quite dysfunctionally, raised early on by his grandparents. It’s suspected his grandpa was also his father. His grandpa was a violent and sick man, and his grandma was subservient and depressed. Ted carried a life long resentment toward his mother for lying to him about his real parents, and also started showing signs of dark and psychotic behavior at the age of 3.
      We shouldn’t really take a sociopath’s word on anything.
      It makes me sick to think how happy Ted would be, knowing how he continues to manipulate and instill fear in women even from the grave.
      I am not as familiar with Arthur so I can’t comment on him.

      Liked by 1 person

  30. There is definitely something more going on with how you inadvertently stumbled across pornography. Not that is isn’t possible to do so, but the probability is that someone has intentionally looked at porn on your laptop causing you to find porn without meaning to.

    I have accidentally found porn, but I reacted quite differently, because pornography itself is just a record of sexual acts and I don’t think anything is inherently wrong with sexual acts or them being recorded if that is what turns you on. But even if someone had looked at porn on your laptop, your reaction is more concerning and troubling. I think most of the other comments have offered some excellent discussion about pornography that you might want to consider. Pornography itself doesn’t have to exploit your sense of safety, spirituality or sexually.

    Check your spelling, so you don’t put orgasmic where you mean to put organism or organic, as that can result in accidental porn finding. As will misspelled words like clip, Volvo, flashlight, pineal, peniel, and any word with anal in it. Be advised that digging for clams is not just something you do at low tide or that if you google banana split of course some dude has his dong where the banana should be among all the pictures of food. ( I had recently searched for candle salad, so I wasn’t that surprised) It makes me curious what you searched for.

    I hope that whether this was honestly accidental or revealing of some internet history you can get to a place to look at this from a healthier sexual perspective.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Keep your head up, Emmalie. I know a lot of people are misreading your intent, misrepresenting your religion, and misinterpreting your words. Don’t let them get you down. There are a lot of people out there who agree with you. Thank you for raising your voice.

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      1. While, I don’t agree with you, I do appreciate how you approved comments that disagreed with your point of view. Thanks for allowing a open discussion.

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  32. Emmilieb,
    Thank you for sharing your story. U are not alone in this fight many people around the world are fighting and it is not just religious. Standfast And unmoveable in your fight.

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  33. Thank you for your story! I’m so glad you and your husband are committed to keeping porn out of your life. You will be much happier and your kids will be much safer. In addition to Fight the New Drug, please check out ProtectYoungMinds.org for more info on empowering kids to protect themselves from pornography.

    Like

  34. I find it interesting the dichotomy that some people try to set up. If you look at any addiction, sure there may be the psychology of “taboo” being the catalyst or at least contributing to the addiction. A book could be written about how vices take away from society, family, or even the person, even if they are “functional”. Mormonism’s/(God’s) concern is more on a spiritual level.

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  35. Thank you so much for sharing! I am so shocked by how many peple think pornography is ok and normal! 😦 it is not ok people!! But no matter how many people think it is ok, it doesn’t change the fact that pornography is wrong and evil. Porn kills love. Fight the new drug.

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  36. Ryan, Marie, Jake, Jenny, and the rest of you who commented without actually reading the article: SHE SAID SHE DOESNT THINK TWILIGHT IS PORNOGRAPHY!!

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  37. Pornography absolutely can become an addiction and when it does, it destroys people, relationships and families. Those of you who think not haven’t done enough research into what it does to someone as it escalates and leaves him seeking more and worse.
    There is every bit as much science to show addiction and harm as you can find to negate it.
    It affects the addict’s brain just like overuse of an addictive drug does.

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  38. If pornography is so harmless, why has it harmlessly influence the destruction of families and marriages. Denying the evil of pornography is like denying the existence of the devil. This was a great personal story that many can relate to.

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  39. Thank You Emmilie for sharing… This is obviously a sensitive topic for people! Its been interesting for me to read comments by people who find no problem with their husbands/wives viewing porn. I suppose it has to do with expectations. For those who expect their partner to honor their marriage with full fidelity… Porn really does kill love. It hurts bad too. When your expectation is sexual intimacy to be saved within your marriage (only between the two of you) and then discovering that your spouse has secretly been viewing porn or going to strip clubs over the span of several years- You are heartbroken, crushed, and traumatized. The hardest part is that trust is gone and you question anything being really what you thought it was. The fact is, not “caring” about porn is easier than caring. If you don’t find it wrong, it doesn’t hurt as much, and you don’t feel as betrayed… Heck, you might even get some fun out of it! If you do feel it’s harmful, as I do, porn is destructive. I know Its not only the Mormons that expect their spouse to keep sexual acts between the two of them. I do feel like the Mormon Church is being unfairly blamed. For those raised in the church and are bitter about being sexually starved or felt unnecessary feelings of guilt in childhood, the Mormon church as a whole is not to blame… Over vigilant, perhaps even very naive parents are to blame, at best. The church warns against the harms of pornography, which are real and do exist for people… (Even if it’s not applicable to your personal experience) The church does not encourage or teach “sexlessness” in homes or upbringings. Sexual attitudes and views are created within the home by the family living in it! This IS a problem among members of the Mormon church. I believe parents are trying and want the best for their kids, but are doing more harm than good when brushing anything sexual under the rug! I believe educating families, everywhere, on how to keep sex an open topic in homes, exploring naked human bodies in a healthy, non-pornigraphic way, would help a ton!
    Lastly, I just wanted to acknowledge that according to some who have commented, they’d say it’s not the porn that destroys the trust in one’s marriage, it’s the spouses dishonesty due to fear and shame. Yes, That’s a big part of it. But betrayal of expectations, secrecy highly due to selfishness, lust, and addictive behaviors, definitely factor in. I do believe the forbiddeness of it all plays into using porn. Although, I can’t believe that if a person lets loose of their moral reservations and indulges in porn, the “itch has been scratched” so to speak, and the draw for porn is no more… Or that their lives are not negatively effected on some level. Its my personal opinion that porn does desensitize the senses, tears down confidence, objectifies, betrays marital promises, creates unhealthy norms, wastes valuable time, and is destructive in so many ways…

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  40. Emmilie, I just have to say thank you for being such a great example. I am amazed at all of the responses that you have gotten based off of this. I support you 100%. Thank you for sharing your testimony. You are a giant among women! 🙂

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  41. I don’t know if you were expecting this much backlash to your post, but I am genuinely shocked. Well done on your responses full of kindness! I hope others who disagree will respond in kind… Some of the responses I’ve seen here are so disrespectful – it’s amazing what people will say behind the safety of their screens.

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  42. Hi EMMILIEB

    What you said is true and have my support. Porn kills love,soul moral values and body. Just search online and hear those who suffer from this addiction and want to get out.
    Also viewing porn is committing adultery essentially.

    But I do pray that Jesus Christ finds you that only Bible is Gods exclusive inspiration, non other. He is Love. Love between one man and one woman. Bless you!!xxxxx

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